ShopDreamUp AI ArtDreamUp
Deviation Actions
Literature Text
From time to time, as
my sightless eyes witness
(I fall) and remember -
I remember my me.
There's no-here-point,
nor a true false-salvation
as a self-persuasion
of an identity, as
from this grace grave-
yard of eternal worship
rises an I, an I
now is me.
No-long-pride (lost its magic),
nor a sane self-redemption.
To the endless thoughts
of an endless nothing,
to the eternal bursting
of the finality of death:
This, is home.
my sightless eyes witness
(I fall) and remember -
I remember my me.
There's no-here-point,
nor a true false-salvation
as a self-persuasion
of an identity, as
from this grace grave-
yard of eternal worship
rises an I, an I
now is me.
No-long-pride (lost its magic),
nor a sane self-redemption.
To the endless thoughts
of an endless nothing,
to the eternal bursting
of the finality of death:
This, is home.
Suggested Collections
Started writing this one on July 15th, 2002. This is the last draft.
I'm surprised. I used to write real dark poetry when I was much younger. The darkness of it is not in the heaviness but in the imagery (the original draft touched the realm of magic-craft, well almost).
I'm surprised. I used to write real dark poetry when I was much younger. The darkness of it is not in the heaviness but in the imagery (the original draft touched the realm of magic-craft, well almost).
© 2011 - 2024 leoraigarath
Comments3
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
I feel as if it's a bit jarring to have that third sentence as it is... perhaps you could add ellipses after "falling", but then that is just me. It's better to have the "I" there like the last line in that first stanza so that it is made clearer and so that it is separate, in a sense, but eh.
The last line in the second stanza is intriguing... I like the words you've used there and the way it ends in such a way. I feel as if we've started on a path of foreboding immediately from the first stanza, and then it just strengthens in the second.
The ending is awesome. Abrupt at the very end, but you build up to the end well, regardless. I think you've got a good flow there, further heightened with the end of the second stanza as a starting point, if you get what I mean.
Quite intriguing.
The last line in the second stanza is intriguing... I like the words you've used there and the way it ends in such a way. I feel as if we've started on a path of foreboding immediately from the first stanza, and then it just strengthens in the second.
The ending is awesome. Abrupt at the very end, but you build up to the end well, regardless. I think you've got a good flow there, further heightened with the end of the second stanza as a starting point, if you get what I mean.
Quite intriguing.