Wow, this is beautiful.

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I lost my innocence today.
I could feel him in my bones, my bones, my bones, my bones,
My blood, my blood my blood my blood.

its pretty good ^^

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I believe in Jesus Christ as my Savior. If you do too and aren't scared to admit it, then copy and paste this in your signature

I support these pairings:
LeeXSaku
NaruXHina
SasoXDei
KakuXHi
SoubiXRitsuka
PeiXKon
DeiXTobi
LeeXGaa
KisaXIta

Thanks. I'm glad you liked it

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Some days I write those words, others they write me.

Thank you very much for the lovely comment

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Some days I write those words, others they write me.

Anything nonfiction can definitely leave you feeling exposed and uneasy. Would you mind if you included a list of the facts or things you wanted to get across in your poem? It'll help me focus my critique to perhaps lessen your discomfort!

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`GeneratingHype thinks I have a problem with being nice.

OK. The facts are quite simple:
1. Me and my friends were sitting at a pub, drinking and laughing.
2. At some point I got really tired and felt out of place, so I rested my head on the table, face down.
3. My friends started throwing food at one another.
4. Every public place here is under a law which prohibits smoking.

I will hide this comment afterwards because I think that bringing in such a sharp sense of reality can really ruin the experience of the reader. I know I would like it so much if it was that “simplistic”.

Thanks for reading and commenting

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Some days I write those words, others they write me.

i guess i now know what it feels like to be a sleepy drunk.

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Tots and Teens: The Children's Literature Contest --Amazing literature and amazing prizes!!

the simple things are the best because they're the ones we know. if you can look at it with a poet's eye, then give it a spin so that the audience sees it as if for the first time, then you've cleared an essential hurdle that many poets never cross.

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Tots and Teens: The Children's Literature Contest --Amazing literature and amazing prizes!!

I have one request for you, and that is to take all the 'and's out of this poem.

We were sitting there, laughing, drinking,
It was the third round; the essence of smoke was missing,
I got this tiresome feeling, as if the world grew heavy
While they built a moat around my neck with stories I cared less about.

I could not drink one more drop, my mind wandered far away
As glances were exchanged, food was thrown above my head,
My forehead rested on my hand, face down into the table,
they were sitting there, laughing, drinking
While the essence of smoke was missing.

Do you see the difference? You don't have to do this, but sometimes I feel the 'and' word should only be used as a last resort.

This actually read in a very nonfictional way, which makes this poem interesting. I like this

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*Writers-Workshop